Max's Baptism

Yesterday we celebrated Max's baptism.  It was a bit of an emotional moment.  As Monsignor annointed Max with Chrism oil I couldn't help but think that this wasn't how it was supposed to be.  I wasn't supposed to be holding a beautiful, tiny baby boy who was stretch-stretch-stretch-stretching in my arms.
But I was.
And to make it even better, at that moment I was was holding a new Life in Christ right in my hands.

Typically our children's baptisms are a fairly private affair, but another family was having their children baptized as well yesterday.  As everyone's voices prayed the Our Father together my heart sang and the tears began to fall.  So often during Max's pregnancy I would kneel beside my bed with no prayers to even utter, afraid to ask for my heart's desire, afraid to ask for the strength to get through whatever trials may come, afraid to really pray at all.  But I could feel myself lifted in prayer at different times and knew that while I was unable to pray, someone was praying for us.  As everyone's voices rose together in prayer, the Body of Christ, the Communion of Saints, was so apparent.

All dressed up and ready to roll ~

Thank you for my little boy!

 

Home!

The NICU nurses and doctor had been mentioning we may be able to return home Monday, but when on Saturday they began giving us paperwork my hopes began to rise that we may escape a bit earlier.
After going to Mass with Amy on Sunday, I was at our little motel room, when Max's nurse called with discharge paperwork.  Of course the iPad, my only means of communicating with Shannon had been left in Max's room.  I frantically packed up our belongings, then jogged back to the hospital....100 steps across the parking lot, across a street, 64 paces down the sidewalk, 102 steps crossing a second parking lot, then 4 blocks to the front doors of the hospital and up to the 6th floor.  Yep, I had paced it off a few times trying to focus on anything but creepies lurking in the shadows.

Shannon was preparing to leave home when I finally reached him, but he made super-quick time up to get us.  The kiddos were not aware that we'd be returning the same evening so it was a bit of a surprise to them. Unfortunately, their mother had posted it on FB which they saw about 15 minutes prior to our arrival.

So, we are home.  A new normal is beginning to reveal itself.  The forthcoming months will be crazy and I'll always be a bit watchful as we observe Max for all the milestones he will need to physically achieve.
But....like Shannon keeps reminding me, we are in the bonus round now.  Anything from here on out is an extra ~ we have our little boy home!

I'll let the pics speak for themselves ~

Bravery ~

For those that think I'm brave, I'm not.  This is difficult to admit, but I'm afraid of the dark.  And afraid to enter empty buildings by myself. I'm especially afraid to walk into an empty building in the dark.  When my kiddos are with me I can pretend to be brave, but when I'm alone, forget it.  My heart races, imaginary creatures hide in every shadow, I'm jumpier than a jackrabbit.  The last couple nights while Shannon has been in Helena I have been walking back and forth between the hospital and the motel. 

In the dark.  

Entering a dark building in the dark.  

It's been bad. 

When Shannon called to check up on me I nearly jumped out of my skin simply from the phone's ring. 

Max's nurse asked if I'd be back for night feedings.

Um, no.  Unless you'll come pick me up.  

She declined.  

If I could just get past all the monsters hiding in the shrubbery and sneaking through the shadows, it would be a beautiful walk.  

                                     The iPad's camera makes it appear much lighter than it is!

E I

The Handprint of God

The last months have brought some amazing people into our lives that we would have never known except for this pregnancy with Max.  Friendships have developed due to a sharing of hearts that may not have occurred.  Having to deliver Max in another hospital, in an unfamiliar town, was intimidating.  The nurses and doctors that have been present at our older children's births were absent and I dreaded it all.  However, despite my lack of faith (oh Lord, when am I going to learn???) His hand was on us every step of the way.

The days prior to Max's delivery I was overly anxious about the spinal block.  When I am in the middle of labor I could care less what someone has to do to take the pain away, but having to receive a shot in the back when I am not in pain scared the dickens out of me.  As luck would have it, the anesthetist that was to be present for the c-section was an old highschool classmate of Shannon's.  He ensured that I wasn't nervous as he was administering the anesthetic and even made certain this terribly modest mama was covered up despite making his job more difficult.  

Of course all the nurses were wonderful, but one truly left a mark on my heart.  Kim took care of us Sunday during the day and besides helping me through some difficult post-op moments, we had some terrific conversations, mostly just about family matters. Later in the evening, while Shannon was running errands, she stopped by our room.  She had went to Mass following work and we had been in her thoughts.  Other than Max being in the NICU, she had no idea what we had been through, she simply felt as though she needed to bring a bottle of holy water, a Rosary blessed by Pope Benedict and a certain holy card up to us, which unbeknownst to her had the prayer I have turned to each time I was feeling overwhelmed the past months.  I was absolutely touched.  After making me promise to use the Rosary, she left.  Imagine Shannon's surprise when he returned to find me in tears!  I immediately sent Shan down to bless Max's bed and Max as well.  

We happened to run into Kim a couple days later in the elevator.  I was able to give her the quick version of Max's little life and pulled the holy water from my pocket where I've been keeping it to bless Max's lips each morning before he begins eating.  (So much for a medically sterile environment!)  Kim showed me how acting on nudges from the Holy Spirit can leave the handprint of God on another person.  

At the risk of making Sacramentals appear to be superstitious talismans, the regular blessings must have kicked in because he began eating last night like he was born for the job.  His feeding tube was removed today and he began nursing versus using the bottle at his last feeding.  Yesterday I was fairly certain he was never going to get it.  I even spent a care time curled up in our motel room crying, thinking his brain was simply not going to allow him to function correctly....pretty faith-filled mom after all we have witnessed the last months!  It's embarrassing, really.   But onward and upward.  It is a strong possibility that we head home tomorrow or Sunday.  

Hip-hip-hooray!!!!

                                            Completely tuckered out after his last feeding ~ 

Max - Day 5

Holy buckets....five days.  It seems like Max has been here for much longer than that.  I have been discharged from the hospital now, so it's not as easy as running down a floor to see our little guy.  I think I suffered from displacement syndrome yesterday and was feeling kinda sorry for myself until we got in the elevator with a couple that I thought surely must have just had their babe by how difficult it was for the woman to move.  They had had their baby the same day as we had.  I felt so blessed just to be moving around with little discomfort.  I need to count my blessings before beginning to despair!

While Max is nursing, he is not nursing well, kind of distractable he is.  Nursing is good until something more interesting occurs which is often in about 14.3 seconds.  It's difficult to get enough nutrition in that time span.  The nurses didn't really have much to offer in the way of solid advice which led to a great deal of frustration yesterday.  After visiting with Amy and another young nurse, we have a plan and my heart is at peace with Max not being a voracious nurser at the moment.

Happy Birthday Maximilian Joseph!

You're so special, oh so special,
God gave you to us!
It's no wonder that we love you so!

Saturday was packed with emotions: fear, anxiety, hope, and finally, joy!  The little jumping bean that arrived screaming was a surprise to us all.  After the past months of surrendering to God's will in our life, to be given this absolute gift was joy beyond compare.

As I prepared to leave our children at home and head to the hospital one person was heavily on my heart: Theresa.  I have no idea why, but everything that happened, she was there.  As Shannon dropped me off at the front doors of the hospital, she was there.  Walking down the halls of an unknown hospital, filled with fear, tears almost spilling over, she was there.  Changing into the hospital gown, she was there.  Waiting while we were prepped for surgery, she was there.  Was she spiritually walking beside me, or did I need to know how she felt as she entered the hospital each time in her last battle with leukemia?

Maybe both.

But on to Mighty Max, as Aunt Colleen dubbed him....he is amazing!  Back in July I remember a conversation with John, T's husband.  He had asked if there was any hope, to which I could only give the response our doctor had given us, "No."  That answer was reaffirmed this morning upon our visit with the doctor.  Where there was no hope, there is hope.  Where there was sorrow....only joy!  He made his debut screaming, a whoppin' 4 pounds, 5 ounces.  His feet seem to be the only thing about him that grew according to schedule.  Shannon is signing him up for swim lessons as soon as we escape the confines of the hospital in hopes that he'll put Michael Phelps to shame.  Of course, his godfather, Fr. Stu, is convinced he'll be the first wrestler in the family, I say nay-nay.
But, I digress.  He was swimming in only about 2 tablespoons of amniotic fluid and his cord was completely stretched out and twisted tight due to his constant motion. He was on oxygen for a few hours following birth, but transitioned to room air without an issue.  Right now we're working on getting him to nurse, he has already taken a bottle.  Since feeding was a concern, we are elated.

After treasuring every moment with Max the last few months, feeling each kick, noting every flutter, when I hold him on my chest I already feel as though I've known him forever.  Each wave of his arm, every jump, is familiar.  I guess, maybe I was too busy moving with all the others to focus on their little personalities in utero.  Since we thought we'd lose Max we sucked up every last minute we had with him.

So that's that.  We will be in the hospital for a while til the squirt begins gaining weight and can eat proficiently.  Of course, now I'm allowing myself to be optimistic and am hoping for next Monday but we shall see.  Since God's hand has been so apparent these past months I will leave this to him as well.  He does such a perfect job!

Baby Update ~

Yesterday we had another ultrasound, which, thank heavens, will be our last!  Max will be delivered tomorrow, Saturday, in Great Falls.  We're excited, anxious, and can't wait to meet our new brother and son.  Whatever may happen tomorrow we are ready....well, maybe "ready" is a bit too strong of a word.  But we do know we have an awesome support team in you, The Body of Christ.
Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you!