Say It Ain't Snow!

I wasn't prepared for snow.  The weather channel has lied in the past so I was relying on that heavily.
On the other hand, the kiddos are jumping for joy: searching for snow pants, boots, coats and mitts.

Yippee.  Winter on the mountain begins.

Thoughts ~

So many thoughts have been tumbling around in my head about this pregnancy.  Sometimes it's self pity, other times it's sadness, sometimes it's peace with the cross we have been given to carry.

~ While attending a bridal shower this past week, mothers in the room gave advice to the new mother.  Typically, I find this an educational and entertaining part of a bridal or baby shower.  But one mother made me think about things I may have said in the past.  Her advice was that while many mothers are praying for a healthy child, it's okay to pray for a beautiful child as well.

I bit my cheeks til they stung to keep tears from pouring out.  It may be okay, but is it really what is important?  Really, you're a mother and will think your baby is beautiful despite his squished up face, or chimpanzee-like hair, or lopsided neck, or broken out complexion!  Even if you don't think they are particularly pretty at the moment, they are beautiful because they're part of you and someone that you love the most, infused with a soul given by God. 

I hate when I feel so emotional as that moment at the shower.  I wanted to excuse myself, crawl in a hole and cry. And unfortunately I wanted to tell the woman how wrong she was, but then, I knew my words have stung others to the quick before and this was a just punishment.  The lady was completely ignorant to what she had said anyway.  Besides, this was a joyful time.  A young mother is expecting her first child and life is still good amidst sorrow.

Annika on a dairy farm field trip with Grams ~

~ I was reading about fetal development a few weeks ago.  Each part of our body is so amazingly magnificent.  One statement regarding the brain was, "It's not so shocking that occasionally development goes awry, but how many times it goes so very right."

Perfectly normal, fighting imaginary enemies in the grass ~ 

~ When I made the decision a while ago to simply enjoy this pregnancy for what it was I wasn't oblivious to the fact that there would still be difficult moments.  Shannon called from hunting camp last week, he had been thinking about what we would do funeral-wise if Max makes it to term.  At the moment I was searching the internet for the perfect outfit for Max if he is born alive, knowing full well that it could possibly be what he will be buried in too. It was good to just sit on the phone and cry together as we talked about these very real subjects.  

I did end up finding a good outfit, totally something my boys would wear.  But then, I remembered Max would need a blanket too. This is what all the other kiddos had so I would sew Max one as well.  The perfect fabric was chosen, sewn into a blanket and now awaits his arrival.  Who knows, we may be bringing him home and I would hate to be caught unprepared.

Little tractors.... just like his brothers ~

~ I have been totally overwhelmed by the support of friends.  Each time a note or gift arrives in the mail I feel so undeserving, so small, so unworthy, so absolutely bare.  After the tears stop I realize how blessed I am.  Thank you for the gift of each of you ~

Just a picture that makes me happy ~ 

Joshie and another creature.

~ Another thing that has happened that has offered me a chance to simply smile and be joyful is when people find out you're are expecting.  You know the remarks ~

"Oh, how exciting!"

"Congratulations!  Have you chosen names?"

"Do you know what you're having?"

The first time it happened I wasn't prepared.

At all.

The poor guys that commented will probably never remark on pregnancy again.  Because I can be too matter-of-fact, I simply said, "Yeah, well, thanks, but my baby is dying." 

Nice, huh?   I had just left a doctor's appointment and was still processing all the information we had been given.  Since then, I've changed my response. Because "Thank you" is appropriate.  Even if little Max dies, he is still a gift, an opportunity to see life through a different lens, an opportunity to stretch and grow.

  

      

School Begins

As much as I love summer, I crave the structure of the school year.  Monday arrived and we actually had all our math lessons complete by breakfast....applause....and by lunch our day was pretty much done.  Success feels so good on the first day!

Homeschooling your kiddos always brings some good laughs and this year is off to a good start.  I struggle suppressing giggles when I read my kiddos' word definitions, comprehension responses, or when they simply have a question.  Maybe because I am sitting/available all day, the kids ask me more questions.

Eric had to define nomadic; his response was, "People who don't want to be involved in politics."
Hmmm.  Later in the week I found inscribed in his spelling book, "A village in Kenya is missing their idiot."
I'm not sure what I was more embarrassed by: that he had written it or that he knew what it meant.
 
Dominic asked me what Daddy looked like when he was a kid.
My response, "Oh, a little homely." (To my credit, that's how I would have described myself as well.)  Annika interjected, "He looked just like he does now but without the beard."

Josh began the swim team this week, now all the kids want to join him.  It is a short season, so we'll see how this goes before jumping in too deep!  Literally.  He did inform me that the coach wanted to talk to me Wednesday.  Those requests always make me slightly nervous.

Michaela is a few weeks into college/nursing chemistry and enjoying it immensely.  Certainly, it must make more sense than the simple theory book she did last year and she is knocking a couple college credits off at the same time.

Kath is  a freshman and determined to finish English again by Christmas.  We shall see.  Her curriculum is much more time consuming than years prior, but where there's a will, there's a way.

A mountain of cukes to pickle ~

Then, onto an art project with Mary Rose ~

Life is Good!

My Camera is Back in Action!

So, you know, my camera kinda bit the dust...or the water as the case may be.  Tonight I tried out my new-to-me camera and I was so happy.  For the past year, my pics have been blurry and I could not figure out why. I was pretty sure something was wrong with the camera but sending it back to the manufacturer did not produce any noticeable results.  The pictures were still yucky, so I began thinking maybe it was me.

IT WASN'T ME!!!

After some snaps of the girlies tonight for our annual wall photos it was so exciting to open the pics and have them back to the clarity I fell in love with my camera for.  Good thing the old one fell in the drink, I was beginning to think my vision was really tanking.

Annika always needs to be in on the action ~

I edited out the piece of grass in another version, but the results were slightly embarrassing so lovely piece of grass is staying for the time being.

"Katherine, I can't be serious with you making fun of me!"

Not too serious, this bunch ~

And for giggles, the kids have been fighting sharing a pair of glasses

they found hiking this week.

Dom had to grab them the other day before school 

claiming he could see better with them.

The kicker....they don't have lenses.

 

G'Night ~

Baby Max

We named our little guy a couple weeks ago.  His name is Maximilian Joseph.  Father Stu had some pull in using Max for the first name.  We were going to use it for a middle name, and couldn't decide on a first name, but it just seemed right after a while.  It feels good to at least have a name for the little guy, no matter how short our time is with him.

Max is moving like a wild man now, which unfortunately is encouraging for me.  I don't tend towards optimism but now that everything "feels" normal I kinda begin thinking it is.  While visiting with my midwife today I explained all my thoughts.  She reviewed the notes with me so that I live in reality and avoid that wonderful state of delusion.

When you're told your baby will probably die any day, and pass that information on to family and friends, one part of you feels a little silly when, weeks later, "your baby is poppin' out" as Nicholas so eloquently puts it.  Not that I'd have it any other way.  I cannot bring myself to buy maternity clothes because I'm afraid I'll jinx his little life.  Very logical, I know.  It's just a bag of mixed feelings, frankly.  If there is to be a miracle, I'm happy.  If little Max is to die shortly before or after birth, well, I just don't know how I feel.  I'm scared that I'll totally fall apart I guess!  So, I continue to pray for a heart filled with peace.
And that's all that can be done.  Except, appreciate what a person has been given too!

I'm grateful for my three girls ~

Not too girlie....they are just right!

Legendary Lodge Weekend

Our family, along with my siblings and parents spent the weekend at a camp this past weekend.  It is on a lake and absolutely beautiful.  We actually had to boat across the lake to access the camp which made for some pretty interesting moments.  God-forbid, we wait for the pontoon boat to escort us across.  Kids manning paddle boats and canoes would shuttle us back and forth a good share of the time.

At first we were religious about the littles being in boats with an adult.  

After a while the kiddos demonstrated they were more proficient at rowing around than we were.  

As long as life jackets were on and an adult was in the vicinity they were on their own!

The water lilies were magnificent and sure to harbor creatures ~

Uncle Joey in finer form ~;o)

The little boys were busy, busy, busy!

I think Tristen was wanting to grab a bottle of bubbles ~

Nicholas, the photobomber.

I was trying to get a pic of the girls ~

And here it is ~

Now, Shannon said he was playing war, like he was in the trenches while the boys attacked.

I think he was angling for a nap!

The beginning of Capture the Flag ~

It ended in epic Nistler fashion, with someone being accused of  unfair play,

but everyone is still speaking to one another ~

Then there was a game of football, made hilarious by the fact that pretty much only 

two people know the rules, tactics, or whatever.

Since one of them is only 14, he bore little relevance.

What I'd die to know is who was making the game plan in this huddle!

Nickles was in heaven ~

Joey and Matt traded this hat back and forth all weekend ~

What do you think, Stacy?

Michaela and her little bro ~

Soon, he took off on his own.

Heading over for Mass ~

This was the funniest duo of the weekend.  

They had to scootch down so low in the paddle boat to paddle that as they left  shore 

you weren't certain if the boat was drifting off unmanned or there was a captain at the helm.

Hiking to the cross ~

We made it to the top ~

Shan was ready for a nap ~ 

But I made him join us for a family pic ~

Uncle John organized a tug-o-war and the kids actually held their own for a bit against the adults ~

Apparently, Uncle Gabe is still a kid!

The boys just couldn't stay clean ~

Then, there was the mouse trap game ~

thankfully, I escaped without participating in that one.

Ouch! 

Joshie wasn't sure it was worth the sting!

Look out! Soon a rat will be caught ~:o)

And I wish there were more pictures, but the funniest thing happened later that day.  Our family ran to Elliston for Shannon's niece's wedding.  Upon our return we had to get back across the river, so Uncle Joey came to the rescue....kind of.  Shannon decided he was hotter than the hinges of you-know-where so he was going to swim across.

Actually, his words were, "The kids will think this is funny...me jumping in with my clothes and swimming across."

Dom and I stepped into the canoe with Joey and I made the unfortunate decision to just squat in it versus sitting all the way down.  I am not typically uncoordinated, but lately my balance has not been exactly spot-on being pregnant and all.  Shannon decided to dive off just as we were pulling away from the dock, and realizing midair that the water isn't too deep right there, changed his dive into a belly flop.  This created a bit more of a wave than I was anticipating and tip, tip, tip, tip, over the canoe went, keys, Shan's shoes, sunglasses, camera and all.  Joey's words were less than sweet as he realized we were doomed, but that added to the hilarity.  Then, there was Sommer and Stacy who, paddling back in the kayak, witnessed the entire event.  Poor Dom was crying, for what reason I am not sure, we barely had to swim to get back to shore

I couldn't stop laughing only imagining how it must have all looked.  Shannon was plain and simply grateful that I wasn't ready to kill him!  Thankfully, the pictures were saved, but the camera was shot.

Thank you to my family who shared in another crazy time together!