Maximo ~ the Heavyweight

 When we left the hospital Max was a shave over four pounds. Obviously growth was a concern.  Going into cold/ flu season he needed a little extra weight, and fast, in the event he did get sick.  I pumped and boosted that milk with powdered formula to get extra calories into him.  He was gaining well, at least an ounce a day, but his tummy was always upset.  So we came up with a better plan.  Now, at the risk of sounding like a Holstein, I pump off the watery foremilk and feed Max a few bottles a day of the creamier stuff that follows. A bit of a pain but it's working quite well, no more upset tummy and he gained like a champ this week, better than the boosted milk even!  Suddenly, after surpassing the six pound mark Max has realized that eating is his favorite pastime.  I loved his little "krill" stage, now it seems as though he is growing before our very eyes!

We have made an appointment for a consult with a pediatric neurologist to have an MRI so if anything does happen in the future we have a good baseline of his cerebellum.  And it will be good to be armed with as much information as available so we know what to expect or plan for if at all possible.  I'm kind of excited to see what the doctor says, just because that's how I roll.  The entire body is fascinating, but the brain especially so.    

Max is seeming to act more and more like a normal baby, not just a little doll.  His eye contact has been fantastic, getting noticeably better these past few days.  I can't wait for those first little smiles.  I told the rest of the kiddos he'd smile sooner if they talk to him a lot.  I walked into the kitchen last night and casually said, "Hey Max." Nicholas immediately corrected me, "No, Mom, you need to say it this way, " then in a sing-song voice immediately began to demonstrate how Max should be spoken to.  "Hi little Maximo.  How are yooooooou?"  

In the midst of everyday life it often seems as though everything is normal, like Max's history is just a bad dream.  We ordered his medical records just so we (I) don't forget.  It is apparent while reading through them what a miracle we hold in our hands.  As I sat in the Costco parking lot today nursing and listening to Christmas music I just began crying.  For the first time postpartum it wasn't because I was feeling "blue," it was because I was so darn happy.  No matter what Christmas gift I ever receive in the future, it will never compare to the gift we now hold.

Michaela's Buck

Michaela had a special buck tag this year.  Unfortunately, there wasn't a ton of time to scout the area and hunt a lot.  A rancher from the area made the hunting much easier for Michaela and Shannon as he knew what was going on family-wise and allowed them pretty much free rein on his property.  It helped that his son worked for Shannon last summer.  Now we just need to deliver some of Michaela's scrumptious cinnamon rolls to them!

On the final day of the season she bagged a decent buck, and while he may not be the largest trophy in the woods, she has a story that can't really grow as the years pass ~ it was that wild and crazy.
And that's what hunting is really about....the memories!

Maximo News

These past few weeks have been a blur ~ sleep deprivation, coupled with the busy-ness of the season haven't left much time for anything really.  But, I keep reminding myself ~ and I mean it every.single.time ~ I will give it all up.....sleep, extra time, skiing, whatever.....to be holding my baby!

The little man was 5 lbs 9 oz as of last Thursday.  We decided he has now graduated from "krill" to "shrimp." He is nursing exclusively at the moment as we are trying to get rid of his upset tummy and it seems to be working. The extra formula that we'd boost my milk with seemed to be bothering him.  Hopefully, he will gain what he needs to this week so that there is no need to return to supplementing.

Sleepin' with Daddy ~ at least Daddy's sleepin'! 

Soooo ~ this little outfit kinda reminded us of a prison suit after we put it on ~ 

Daddy taped St. Maximilian Kolbe's prison number on Max and sent a picture to Fr. Stu

Isn't he just so cute??

 Annika certainly thinks so ~

Just chillin' on the counter while Mommy makes dinner ~

The only wonderful thing about bottles is Max's brothers and sisters can feed him at times ~

Anyone that says bottles are the way to go hasn't nursed!

Our little stocking stuffer ~

Nicholas

As seems the case every time we gain a new addition in our family, the youngest seems to grow up over night.  Just prior to Max making his debut, Nickles asked if baby Max could come out and play for a while. This was right after he was convinced he could no longer see because his eyes were so tightly squeezed together while taking a bath.

The guys and their babies

Now that we are all home, Nickles always has some commentary.  I guess he always has, but now he states it all with such authority....or something.

Friday I decided all the kids needed flu shots.  At the moment it seemed perfectly logical to drag eight kids and a husband to the doctor's office.  After signing everyone in, Shan took four into one room, while I sat with the other 4 in an adjoining room.  Just as Dom was preparing to receive his shot, Nickles let out a bloodcurdling scream while receiving his.  That did nothing to comfort Dominic.  They both were given Bugs Bunny bandaids, which should have been reward enough, as I never buy character bandaids.  Later in the evening, Nickles was looking at his when he abruptly tore it off.  Kath asked him why he removed it.  He replied, "Because I don't like that Dr. Lady."  

And I should have been suspicious when Nickles was washing his hands on his own.  Knowing he can't hold Max without washing up, he was just being a good boy.  The next thing I knew he was picking up the little guy who had been sunning on the living room floor.  "Mom, I'm fine. I've got it."

Uh, no you don't. Or at least you shouldn't.  

Then, there is the nursing discussion.  It happens every time after a new child arrives. Nickles was sitting there observing and you could almost see the wheels turning in his little head.  

"If I didn't have teeth....." 

"Nickles, if you want to try a bottle, you can."

He jumped at the chance and now that issue is resolved. It was not his favorite.

He arrived in the kitchen today to announce that Max was thirsty.  Because I wanted to see what he was thinking I asked him what I should do about it.

"Umm, get some water from these," pointing to his chest.  

Then, at dinner, a friend sent Papa Murphy's pizza and brownies out.  Nickles was in heaven eating pizza til Daddy brought the brownies over.  He immediately ditched the pizza, which he love-love-loves, in favor of a brownie.  Who knew life was that simple!

Shannon congratulates Max every time he has a nice burp after eating.  It seems appropriate at the age when that is one of the only things he can do well.  Unfortunately, Nickles has picked up on this so we are now having to retrain him.  Belching is NOT a good thing when one is almost 4 years old.

Max is not quite ready to play ~

Happy Feast Day Nickles ~

A simple reminder that I live in a house full of children ~

No more clean windows!

Max's Baptism

Yesterday we celebrated Max's baptism.  It was a bit of an emotional moment.  As Monsignor annointed Max with Chrism oil I couldn't help but think that this wasn't how it was supposed to be.  I wasn't supposed to be holding a beautiful, tiny baby boy who was stretch-stretch-stretch-stretching in my arms.
But I was.
And to make it even better, at that moment I was was holding a new Life in Christ right in my hands.

Typically our children's baptisms are a fairly private affair, but another family was having their children baptized as well yesterday.  As everyone's voices prayed the Our Father together my heart sang and the tears began to fall.  So often during Max's pregnancy I would kneel beside my bed with no prayers to even utter, afraid to ask for my heart's desire, afraid to ask for the strength to get through whatever trials may come, afraid to really pray at all.  But I could feel myself lifted in prayer at different times and knew that while I was unable to pray, someone was praying for us.  As everyone's voices rose together in prayer, the Body of Christ, the Communion of Saints, was so apparent.

All dressed up and ready to roll ~

Thank you for my little boy!

 

Home!

The NICU nurses and doctor had been mentioning we may be able to return home Monday, but when on Saturday they began giving us paperwork my hopes began to rise that we may escape a bit earlier.
After going to Mass with Amy on Sunday, I was at our little motel room, when Max's nurse called with discharge paperwork.  Of course the iPad, my only means of communicating with Shannon had been left in Max's room.  I frantically packed up our belongings, then jogged back to the hospital....100 steps across the parking lot, across a street, 64 paces down the sidewalk, 102 steps crossing a second parking lot, then 4 blocks to the front doors of the hospital and up to the 6th floor.  Yep, I had paced it off a few times trying to focus on anything but creepies lurking in the shadows.

Shannon was preparing to leave home when I finally reached him, but he made super-quick time up to get us.  The kiddos were not aware that we'd be returning the same evening so it was a bit of a surprise to them. Unfortunately, their mother had posted it on FB which they saw about 15 minutes prior to our arrival.

So, we are home.  A new normal is beginning to reveal itself.  The forthcoming months will be crazy and I'll always be a bit watchful as we observe Max for all the milestones he will need to physically achieve.
But....like Shannon keeps reminding me, we are in the bonus round now.  Anything from here on out is an extra ~ we have our little boy home!

I'll let the pics speak for themselves ~

Bravery ~

For those that think I'm brave, I'm not.  This is difficult to admit, but I'm afraid of the dark.  And afraid to enter empty buildings by myself. I'm especially afraid to walk into an empty building in the dark.  When my kiddos are with me I can pretend to be brave, but when I'm alone, forget it.  My heart races, imaginary creatures hide in every shadow, I'm jumpier than a jackrabbit.  The last couple nights while Shannon has been in Helena I have been walking back and forth between the hospital and the motel. 

In the dark.  

Entering a dark building in the dark.  

It's been bad. 

When Shannon called to check up on me I nearly jumped out of my skin simply from the phone's ring. 

Max's nurse asked if I'd be back for night feedings.

Um, no.  Unless you'll come pick me up.  

She declined.  

If I could just get past all the monsters hiding in the shrubbery and sneaking through the shadows, it would be a beautiful walk.  

                                     The iPad's camera makes it appear much lighter than it is!

E I

The Handprint of God

The last months have brought some amazing people into our lives that we would have never known except for this pregnancy with Max.  Friendships have developed due to a sharing of hearts that may not have occurred.  Having to deliver Max in another hospital, in an unfamiliar town, was intimidating.  The nurses and doctors that have been present at our older children's births were absent and I dreaded it all.  However, despite my lack of faith (oh Lord, when am I going to learn???) His hand was on us every step of the way.

The days prior to Max's delivery I was overly anxious about the spinal block.  When I am in the middle of labor I could care less what someone has to do to take the pain away, but having to receive a shot in the back when I am not in pain scared the dickens out of me.  As luck would have it, the anesthetist that was to be present for the c-section was an old highschool classmate of Shannon's.  He ensured that I wasn't nervous as he was administering the anesthetic and even made certain this terribly modest mama was covered up despite making his job more difficult.  

Of course all the nurses were wonderful, but one truly left a mark on my heart.  Kim took care of us Sunday during the day and besides helping me through some difficult post-op moments, we had some terrific conversations, mostly just about family matters. Later in the evening, while Shannon was running errands, she stopped by our room.  She had went to Mass following work and we had been in her thoughts.  Other than Max being in the NICU, she had no idea what we had been through, she simply felt as though she needed to bring a bottle of holy water, a Rosary blessed by Pope Benedict and a certain holy card up to us, which unbeknownst to her had the prayer I have turned to each time I was feeling overwhelmed the past months.  I was absolutely touched.  After making me promise to use the Rosary, she left.  Imagine Shannon's surprise when he returned to find me in tears!  I immediately sent Shan down to bless Max's bed and Max as well.  

We happened to run into Kim a couple days later in the elevator.  I was able to give her the quick version of Max's little life and pulled the holy water from my pocket where I've been keeping it to bless Max's lips each morning before he begins eating.  (So much for a medically sterile environment!)  Kim showed me how acting on nudges from the Holy Spirit can leave the handprint of God on another person.  

At the risk of making Sacramentals appear to be superstitious talismans, the regular blessings must have kicked in because he began eating last night like he was born for the job.  His feeding tube was removed today and he began nursing versus using the bottle at his last feeding.  Yesterday I was fairly certain he was never going to get it.  I even spent a care time curled up in our motel room crying, thinking his brain was simply not going to allow him to function correctly....pretty faith-filled mom after all we have witnessed the last months!  It's embarrassing, really.   But onward and upward.  It is a strong possibility that we head home tomorrow or Sunday.  

Hip-hip-hooray!!!!

                                            Completely tuckered out after his last feeding ~ 

Max - Day 5

Holy buckets....five days.  It seems like Max has been here for much longer than that.  I have been discharged from the hospital now, so it's not as easy as running down a floor to see our little guy.  I think I suffered from displacement syndrome yesterday and was feeling kinda sorry for myself until we got in the elevator with a couple that I thought surely must have just had their babe by how difficult it was for the woman to move.  They had had their baby the same day as we had.  I felt so blessed just to be moving around with little discomfort.  I need to count my blessings before beginning to despair!

While Max is nursing, he is not nursing well, kind of distractable he is.  Nursing is good until something more interesting occurs which is often in about 14.3 seconds.  It's difficult to get enough nutrition in that time span.  The nurses didn't really have much to offer in the way of solid advice which led to a great deal of frustration yesterday.  After visiting with Amy and another young nurse, we have a plan and my heart is at peace with Max not being a voracious nurser at the moment.

Happy Birthday Maximilian Joseph!

You're so special, oh so special,
God gave you to us!
It's no wonder that we love you so!

Saturday was packed with emotions: fear, anxiety, hope, and finally, joy!  The little jumping bean that arrived screaming was a surprise to us all.  After the past months of surrendering to God's will in our life, to be given this absolute gift was joy beyond compare.

As I prepared to leave our children at home and head to the hospital one person was heavily on my heart: Theresa.  I have no idea why, but everything that happened, she was there.  As Shannon dropped me off at the front doors of the hospital, she was there.  Walking down the halls of an unknown hospital, filled with fear, tears almost spilling over, she was there.  Changing into the hospital gown, she was there.  Waiting while we were prepped for surgery, she was there.  Was she spiritually walking beside me, or did I need to know how she felt as she entered the hospital each time in her last battle with leukemia?

Maybe both.

But on to Mighty Max, as Aunt Colleen dubbed him....he is amazing!  Back in July I remember a conversation with John, T's husband.  He had asked if there was any hope, to which I could only give the response our doctor had given us, "No."  That answer was reaffirmed this morning upon our visit with the doctor.  Where there was no hope, there is hope.  Where there was sorrow....only joy!  He made his debut screaming, a whoppin' 4 pounds, 5 ounces.  His feet seem to be the only thing about him that grew according to schedule.  Shannon is signing him up for swim lessons as soon as we escape the confines of the hospital in hopes that he'll put Michael Phelps to shame.  Of course, his godfather, Fr. Stu, is convinced he'll be the first wrestler in the family, I say nay-nay.
But, I digress.  He was swimming in only about 2 tablespoons of amniotic fluid and his cord was completely stretched out and twisted tight due to his constant motion. He was on oxygen for a few hours following birth, but transitioned to room air without an issue.  Right now we're working on getting him to nurse, he has already taken a bottle.  Since feeding was a concern, we are elated.

After treasuring every moment with Max the last few months, feeling each kick, noting every flutter, when I hold him on my chest I already feel as though I've known him forever.  Each wave of his arm, every jump, is familiar.  I guess, maybe I was too busy moving with all the others to focus on their little personalities in utero.  Since we thought we'd lose Max we sucked up every last minute we had with him.

So that's that.  We will be in the hospital for a while til the squirt begins gaining weight and can eat proficiently.  Of course, now I'm allowing myself to be optimistic and am hoping for next Monday but we shall see.  Since God's hand has been so apparent these past months I will leave this to him as well.  He does such a perfect job!

Baby Update ~

Yesterday we had another ultrasound, which, thank heavens, will be our last!  Max will be delivered tomorrow, Saturday, in Great Falls.  We're excited, anxious, and can't wait to meet our new brother and son.  Whatever may happen tomorrow we are ready....well, maybe "ready" is a bit too strong of a word.  But we do know we have an awesome support team in you, The Body of Christ.
Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The Harvests

Katherine has been hunting the last couple years pretty hard for as young as she is.  Her cousin had harvested animals with little effort and Kath was simply a little disappointed.  She hunted quite a bit with Grandpa last season and a few times this year.  Katherine would listen to Michaela's story of getting her first bull with Grandpa and hoped maybe that she'd get hers with Grandpa as well because it is always a great adventure.

This morning Shannon and Eric, Grandpa and Katherine headed out in different directions.  Sometime around 10:00 Katherine came dancing into the house with a smile as wide as Montana.  She had harvested her first bull and could hardly keep her feet on the ground.

Congratulations on your first bull, Katherine!

    

Then, there is Eric.  This is his first year hunting and as luck would have it he shot his first buck on opening day.  Unfortunately, now he will always think that is what will happen.  Sometimes a person is simply lucky. He made a fantastic shot, though!

Congrats on your first buck, Eric!

Letting Go and Letting God

As many know, I am a person who likes to be in charge.  This situation with Max has truly humbled me.  I am certainly not in charge, unable to even prevent people from praying for us!  Obviously, this is not something I should want to prevent, but I'm not especially excited about having to be prayed for.  And I don't want to be "one of those people."  You know, the ones where it seems like bad things have happened to them recently.  This is definitely a pride issue.  I guess I simply don't want to need prayer.  The last few months have shown me how very much that I do need prayer and in letting go, my heart is at peace.

In August we decided to discontinue seeing the specialist every two weeks because it was too difficult to hear the same information with no hope infused whatsoever.  Shannon and I both decided to consciously let go of the situation and enjoy the pregnancy, letting the chips fall where they may, but knowing (because that's what we had been told) that we wouldn't have a baby in the end.

After our appointment where we heard all the good news regarding many of the defects no longer being present I was in a bit of a state of dismay, not quite able to wrap my head around all the information.  Later, I was at our neighbor's house watching the girls ride horses when our friend, Annie, made a statement that I have been contemplating a lot.  She touched my stomach and said, "Just look, Allison.  Look what happens when you let go and let God.  You decided to simply enjoy your baby for what he was and look what has happened."

And that touched my soul.

Now, I need to remember that daily.  "Allison, let go and let God."  It is so simple, yet so profound.  It is not something I am good at, yet know that I am called to practice.  To let go of what I want to control and let God make all things perfect as He sees fit.

Halloween

We are heathens ~ celebrating Halloween and all.  Actually, we don't really celebrate it, we just go out and collect candy.  The kids have fun dressing up as heaven-knows-what and I have fun dressing them up.  It is hilarious to see them as we head to town all dressed up, wondering at their good fortune to be leaving the house in such awesome apparel, definitely a departure from every-day-life.  And I must say, I laugh every year at their absolute shock that they can walk up to someone's door, knock, and have candy dumped into their bag.  It is definitely legalized robbery.  There is always a slight twinge of guilt, but that only lasts up to the first door.

We thought about giving our kiddos a lesson in socialism, redistribution of  wealth, etc. this year by confiscating half the olders' candy and redistributing it to the youngers ourselves, but decided against it.  They did have to pay Daddy a gas tax in chocolate, though.  They didn't mind.  He only got the little pieces anyway.

Dom's scary face 

Nickles just wanted a "wocket"

lucky Daddy!

Ooooo, look at all their faces!

Deep conversation ~

And Nickles is out ~

He hasn't even begun the hard work.

Three cowboys, Indiana Jones & two snakes ~

Checkin' out the loot ~

Inventorying her candy...smart girl!

Shannon said that this year was definitely the final year of trick-or-treating and is already planning an All Saints Day party for next year.  We shall see.  If he does all the planning I'm all in!

Max Update

We had a checkup in Great Falls yesterday.  Max is doing good at the moment.  His growth has slowed, however, and the cerebellum issue is still present, darn it.  Now he is in the 3rd percentile for a little guy his age.  Since his growth is measurably slowing, we will be going in for every-other-day fetal monitoring....goody gumdrops....I just love the hospital.  The doctor said we need to be keenly aware of Max's well-being so we don't end up rescuing him, instead delivering him right when he's ready.  Having never been in that category of women that deliver early, when Dr. Key told me to bring a packed bag next week to my appointment, panic set in. Hard.

Then, he wrapped up the conversation by saying to make sure I was taking it easy at home.

Hahahahahaha ~ I coulda swore that I had mentioned seven other children.

So that's that.  We are looking forward to meeting our little guy next week if that is what happens.  With his brain issues the doctor said his concern is coordination.  We are just praying that he gets the whole nursing thing right off the bat. That will be a strong indication of what the future holds for all of us!

Again, and words simply are not adequate, thank you, thank you, thank you for your prayers and your support.  This has been a bit of a crazy ride, especially for someone who loves being in control of every aspect of life.

The barn project that Shannon is finishing up this week ~

Our new home site ~

At least in my dreams!