The last days have brought a torrent of information, emotions and tears. How can a little guy (yep, a little boy) that looked so absolutely perfect five weeks ago change so drastically? He still looks perfect to my uneducated eye, but obviously some things with the pregnancy have went wrong. Our routine 20 week ultrasound indicated a few things were awry. Our midwife called to tell us we needed to see a specialist....the next day. When things happen that quickly, I know things are not good.
Shannon and I went to Great Falls to be told that the same chain of events that occurred when we lost our previous baby at this stage was happening again. We thought losing Clare was a fluke, but now the doctor is thinking there may be more to it, with circumstances repeating themselves. Along with the baby's environment deteriorating, he has some significant birth defects that would certainly affect his and our lives if he does make it to term.
So this is where the rubber meets the pro-life road.
Our case is truly an argument that would be used to promote abortion. Things aren't looking good for the babe to make it to term. If he does, his life isn't going to be "quality" anyhow, so why not end it all, put the baby out of his misery and end the fear of the unknown for the mother.
Yes, the fear, the unknown, is overwhelming at moments. But, this life was given to us, to me, to protect and cherish no matter what the outcome.
It is painful.
But he is mine and is a gift. Sometimes we are just unable to see the value in a gift received til much later. So we will wait and find out what God has in store for us...what value this gift of uncertainty, of pain, of loss, holds.
Meanwhile, the meaning of being pro-life has taken on an entirely deeper meaning. I've always talked a good talk. I mean, we have seven children. What is not pro-life about that?
But there is more.
I am still nurturing this little one, no matter what the outcome is in the next two weeks or next two decades. I still need to give it my best effort, from eating well and taking vitamins to getting enough rest to praying for my little guy.
It is difficult to avoid looking glum. But if I believe in the sanctity of every life and this child is a gift, maybe I shouldn't mope around too much. Strangely, keeping myself busy and putting on a peaceful, if not happy, face, has made me feel interiorly at peace.
And, after all, if things go as bad as they are saying he will be in Heaven soon and what could possibly be better?
Then, there has been the support of my family: Shannon, Mom and Dad, my sisters...and darn it, even my brothers. I can't help but think of all the women that choose abortion, how abandoned they must feel in that moment. What different choices they would make if only surrounded by a family that lifted them in prayer and loved them.
So we will continue on. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. As Shannon said at the beginning of this pregnancy, "We will be a beacon."
I just didn't realize what that would entail.
On the brighter side, Dom and Annika went flying with
Grams and Gramps and Uncle Ben this weekend.
The flight was good, but the breakfast was better!
We picked the girls up from camp ~
They had the best time ever!
Then there was the Symphony Under the Stars.
I was soon abandoned by my boys,
except for the popcorn-loving one, Dom.
There must be more to it than this ~
Joined by one of the kids' favorite big guys, Colton ~
Big brothers and little brothers ~
We all agreed this year,
the best part was the last part ~
Fireworks!
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